At the end of her story, she told me she couldn't go back to church because she didn't believe it was even possible to survive as a church community after such a loss and betrayal. The sin wasn't hers, but she felt the shame of association as a member of his church.
Did she weep for a man she had put her faith in? Yes.
Did she despise him for the choices he had made that painfully brought shame to everyone connected to him? Yes.
Did she want him back and at the same time want him to stay away? Yes.
Did she hurt and turn against fellow congregants because his decisions had forced them all to make decisions on what would happen next to their community? Yes.
Did she have to hold the pieces of her own heart while healing the hearts of those around her? Yes.
Did she believe the end of his story as her pastor translated to the end of her in that community?
Yes.
Was she wrong? Yes.
I gave her a tissue and wiped my own tears away. Then I reminded her that God removes people and things in a church community because it's what's best for the church as a whole, not the church as individuals. His vantage point from Heaven gives God a wider perspective to help communities make the difficult decisions to expose church hurts before those hurts become church culture.
There was peace for Ingrid instead of shame when she accepted that her pastor had to be removed because the culture he had begun to value was not that of the Kingdom. Yes, she hurt in the process, but I encouraged her to go back to God's house so that a grace to heal, a grace to be truly seen, and a grace to be truly loved by God could be birthed from their communal pain.
If you've been part of a church community like Ingrid's that has known the bloodshed and pain of spiritual manipulation, abuse, or neglect, I need you to know it may have changed you, but it didn't change God. It didn't change the fact that His house is still the body of Christ where people come to experience a one-on-one encounter with the real God of redemption and grace.
I can tell you this with full confidence and authority because sin and shame in the garden may have changed Adam and Eve, but it didn't change God.
The first sin didn't change the fact that God still, millennia later, wants His sons and daughters to come back to His Son to experience a one-on-one encounter with a real Savior who could silence their shame once and for all.
Just because you or I had an encounter with one of His sheep who went astray doesn't mean God went astray too. He didn't fail you and He didn't forsake you. Your purpose didn't change because your community got shaken or torn down. You're going to heal and you're going to move forward. Maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow, but you will heal.
Your community needs you to heal because they need you. We need you. We don't need you because of what you do or what titles you carry; we need you because our communities can exist in health only when we choose to fight for interdependence instead of conforming to isolation. That is, when we see the value in ourselves, the value in one another, and the value in who we are together.
Close your eyes and see yourself being seen and known within an authentic community.
See your community strong and healthy.
Envision being part of a community that reflects genuine interdependence instead of isolation.
Imagine a community of people who know that nakedness of soul and spirit is a gift, not a punishment or a curse. Let yourself have faith again in a community that is healed and actively working to heal from past hurts and traumas. Now, open your eyes, wipe your tears, and go build it.
Garden Prayer
Father, You know the pain and longing of my heart for genuine godly community. You walk with me when I have no community, broken community, and whole community. You have seen the parts of me that hide, run, fight, and question in skepticism. I'm thankful that these places in me don't surprise You or remove me from community with You.
Help me rebuild community again the same way You rebuilt community after the fall with Adam and Eve. I release every place of shame that has created walls of isolation and ask that You show me how to keep releasing shame to You as I move through these Garden Lessons. I surrender all my hurts to You because I know You can make me whole.
For all the healing You have done so far and for all You have yet to do in me, I thank You. Make my heart ready so that the community You see is the community I build. In Jesus' name I pray, amen.
Speaking Fire into Your Community
I declare that isolation and fear will not lead me away from the gift of community [Isaiah 41:10].
Even in my hurt, I will not doubt the Lord's ability to heal [Psalm 69:20].
I choose today to rejoice with the truth and always protect, always trust, always hope, always persevere [1 Corinthians 13:6–7].
No comments:
Post a Comment