Spiritual Formation
in Loving Someone in Recovery
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Today's inspiration comes from:
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Today's inspiration comes from:
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Editor's Note: Enjoy today's devotion from When You Love Someone in Recovery by Caroline Beidler, MSW, copyright Caroline Beidler. Remember, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13).
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What does spiritual health or spiritual fitness look like in recovery? For some of us it means working within these steps [the 12 Steps]; for others it is working outside them. There are many ways to get well. Some come to a deepened faith journey through these steps, but there is more to the story (I’m raising my hand here). For many of us, recovery is an ongoing process of spiritual formation and a growing relationship with God.
Though you or your loved one may have different beliefs or experiences, what is helpful to consider is that there is a spiritual side of our journey. The steps and their spiritual principles and themes support many of us in living a totally new, healthy, and transformed life.
John Ortberg wrote that perhaps we all “crave inspiration, profound feeling, freedom from anxiety and inadequacy, a sense of well-being that comes from connecting ‘beyond.’ Perhaps we are all ‘wired for ecstasy.’”1 Perhaps we can all benefit from the steps, spiritual principles, and solid foundations they are built upon.
When you love someone in recovery, you can discover that spiritual health is a part of the recovery journey for many.
Maybe your loved one has not communicated with you about a dramatic or spiritual conversion, but perhaps you can tell that they have changed and you would like to understand why. Maybe they are working the 12 steps or, as I’ve heard someone describe it, the “first step called Jesus Christ.” Maybe your loved one is attending Celebrate Recovery religiously and healing from not just addiction but other hurts and hang-ups.
When you are living in recovery, you will know. When you’ve been moved “by the power of a great affection,” it will be undeniable.2
The authors of The Twelve Steps: A Spiritual Journey call them “Milestones in Recovery.” They are a litmus test to check one’s spiritual temperature. This list can equally apply to people in or seeking recovery, family members, and other loved ones. Below is a paraphrase of this helpful list.
When we are “spiritually fit,” as one of my first mentors said,
- We are at ease with other people, including those in positions of authority (e.g., police officers, parents)
- We carry a strong sense of self and identity
- We take constructive criticism as helpful counsel
- We are drawn to people who are emotionally healthy and available
- We take action to love and care for ourselves
- We can be bold and advocate for our own wants, needs, and desires
- We have faith and a sense of peace, even during tough times
- We love and are attracted to people who take care of themselves
- We can express our emotions using “I feel” statements and don’t personalize others’ feelings
- We gain new skills that help us meet goals (e.g., job skills, education, hobbies)
- We weigh the advantages and disadvantages of taking certain action
- We lean on God for support with increasing measure3
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Spiritual health is a part of the recovery journey for many.
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Spiritual health is a part of the recovery journey for many.
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Do you notice that your loved one has picked up a new hobby and is smiling more? Is your son or daughter spending time with people who seem to be emotionally intelligent and healthy? Does your spouse have a newfound (and sometimes eerie) peace during chaotic times of crisis? Our loved one’s actions and demeanor can communicate that things have, in fact, changed.
Spiritual health or fitness may look different, depending on where you or your loved one is on the journey. What is important to remember is that for many people in or seeking recovery, there is a spiritual path too.
As family members we can be open to listening and learning more about the spiritual experience or conversion experience our loved ones may have gone through (or are going through currently). Recovery is not just about sobriety; discovering a newfound faith or rekindling past beliefs may be a part of the journey.
No matter how you feel about this, maybe there is a common ground that we can all stand on. We can share a love of life and a hope in our loved ones.
Our loved ones might just discover or deepen their faith downstairs in a church basement where the coffee is cold and laughter has a pitch of joy. Maybe for some of us, we meet Jesus in upstairs spaces, in stained-glass sanctuaries. Maybe we are still unsure of the whole “God thing,” but one thing we do know for sure: We feel welcomed and at home in recovery. We’ve finally found our people, a family.
Recovery is community in many ways. It can be a community of solid faith or unsure doubt or exploration. It is also where we can explore and find healing for those parts of us that have been hurt by religion.
Maybe Christian doesn’t have to be a dirty word. Maybe it can be a freeing identity that brings life for people in or seeking recovery and our loved ones.4 Maybe spiritual revival can bring light back to the eyes and recovery into our communities.
I like what Reverend Mark Flynn shared when I asked for his thoughts on faith and recovery:
Any church which wants to support those in recovery or their family members needs to regularly and consistently challenge the comfortable mask we wear around one another suggesting “we are all doing really well.” Almost all of us are struggling in life. To be a community which stops treating those whose issues and addictions become public as unusual, or out of the norm, is a great gift we can give to everyone, those in recovery and those who are not.5
Whether we personally identify with being in recovery or not, we can take off our masks and connect in a new community in honest and meaningful ways. Maybe we can welcome one another into a new family. We can encourage each other in both our recovery and in our spiritual formation. Because for many of us, the recovery journey involves a deepening faith.
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- John Ortberg, Steps: A Guide to Transforming Your Life When Willpower Isn’t Enough (Tyndale Refresh, 2025), 23.
- Brennan Manning, The Wisdom of Tenderness: What Happens When God’s Fierce Tenderness Transforms Our Lives (Harper One, 2024), 50.
- RPI Publishing, The Twelve Steps — A Spiritual Journey: A Working Guide for Healing Based on Biblical Teachings (RPI Publishing, 1994), 257.
- Caroline Beidler, “When ‘Christian’ Is a Dirty Word,” Circle of Chairs, July 1, 2023, https://carolinebeidler.substack.com/p/when-christian-is-a-dirty-word.
- Mark Flynn, personal email to the author, February 10, 2025.
Excerpted with permission from When You Love Someone in Recovery by Caroline Beidler, MSW, copyright Caroline Beidler.
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Do you love someone in recovery? Trust in the Lord that He is doing a good work in them. If they’re working the 12 Steps, be supportive. And, don’t be surprised if you start to see signs of spiritual formation in them… and yourself! ~ Devotionals Daily
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A Hopeful Guide to Understanding Addiction
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When You Love Someone in Recovery
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+ Free shipping on $20+ with code SPRING20
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Author, speaker, and addiction recovery expert Caroline Beidler offers friends and family members the gift of being able to understand the recovery lifestyle--a way of life that goes beyond anonymous meetings in church basements and fosters a sense of well-being, healthy coping strategies, discovering new passions, and nurturing a deep personal faith.
Many of us know someone who is in addiction recovery, but few of us really understand what that means. What does this healing journey actually look like? How can we best support someone going through it? We find ourselves worrying that we'll say or do the wrong thing, and we may feel hopeless or confused when our loved one continues to struggle with substance use.
As someone who has personal experience living in sustained recovery, and now professionally helps those starting the journey, Caroline Beidler offers a compassionate guide for understanding addiction and the recovery lifestyle. As she shares personal and honest stories as well as professional insights from her work as an addiction recovery expert, she will walk you through the four pillars of recovery--hope, wellness, community, and service--and answer questions such as:
- What does it mean to be in recovery?
- How can I support my loved one on this journey--body, mind, and soul?
- How do I set healthy boundaries and show compassion?
- What stereotypes or misconceptions do I need to let go of?
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