Can we skip to the good part?"1 These lyrics from the band AJR have lived rent-free in my brain since the social media trend in which the snap of a finger instantly transformed a muddy yard to a newly sodded one, a cluttered pantry to a color-coded organizational masterpiece, or unstyled hair into an updo. Who doesn't love a good before-and-after? What resonates about this trend is the desire to skip the part between before and after. We love a good transformation, but we hate the process of being transformed. It's not all that surprising, really. Our culture doesn't exactly give us a ton of practice with patience, as AI answers our questions in seconds and Amazon Prime delivers anything we could possibly need in just two days. We're not accustomed to waiting. Why should we be surprised when that same impatience shows up in our approach to personal change in motherhood? But that impatience isn't just about us; it shows up because we love our kids. We want to snap our fingers and be different so that we can stop negatively affecting them. We want to show up to the task of motherhood as a psychologically healthy, emotionally available, and spiritually mature mom. And we want it now. Here's the thing, though: Scripture — and nature, for that matter — would suggest that God loves the transformation process. Apparently, it's His favorite way to work. We see this in the way He created the world. He didn't snap his finger to turn "without form and void" (Genesis 1:2 ESV) into lush and fully populated. Sure, He spoke the world into being, but He did it over the span of six days, and even then, it was a world at the beginning of what it would become — a world in process. God welcomed Adam and Eve to participate in this process, asking them to help grow the garden and to fill it with people through childbirth. We see God's preference for process in the way that redemptive history unfolds, including His leading the Israelites in the desert for forty years instead of simply teleporting them to the promised land. We see it in His continued created order in nature. A seed falls to the ground, it germinates, it pokes up through the dirt, and slowly it grows until it buds and f lowers. Even Jesus grew in wisdom and in stature (Luke 2:52). God works in process. Creation and redemptive history reveal that it's His preferred method of operation. The same is true in the sanctification of His people. Should we expect anything different for the way that he matures moms? Understanding the stages of God's change process helps us to stop striving for perfection in parenting. Justification — being declared righteous because of the finished work of Jesus — frees us from the need to be seen as perfect, to measure up, or to use motherhood to gain approval. Jesus was perfect for us, and we are fully accepted in Him. Sanctification — the ongoing work of the Spirit through which we are made more like Christ — helps us to embrace change as a process, seeing ourselves humbly and graciously as works in progress instead of resenting our lack of progress. And glorification — the future hope we have of being free from sin — frees us from the expectation that perfection is even possible on this side of Heaven, helping us run with endurance, knowing with confident hope that one day we will be perfected. |
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The ideal version of motherhood is the most Christlike version of you.
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The ideal version of motherhood is the most Christlike version of you.
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Letting Go of Perfection Recently, I was telling someone about the effect that researching for and writing this book have had on my life. Being saturated in this content has made such a difference in my parenting. "I don't even remember the last time I yelled at my kids!" I told them. Welp, I couldn't say that the next day. And I didn't just yell at them; I turned from yelling at them and sort of just yelled into the middle of the room, like a crazy person screaming into a pillow, except there was no pillow. When I stopped yelling (both at them and into the middle of the room), got my kids and myself in the car, and finally backed out of the driveway (of course we were rushing to get somewhere #onbrand), the feeling I had reminded me of the board game Can't Stop, where you make so much progress only to lose it all in one roll. Negative self-thoughts poured in. Truly, I thought I was past this struggle and on to another one, a more manageable one, a less obvious one, a less traumatizing one. Nope. As it turns out, I'm still a mom who yells. When was the last time you felt like the house of cards fell? When was the last time your sin reared its ugly head, and the exposure led you to lament your lack of progress? How did you respond to that feeling of failure? In his article "Perfectionism Will Only Make You Miserable," professor of practical theology Jeremy Pierre defines perfectionism as "the tendency to expect flawless performance from self and others, resulting in frustration at any sign of failure."2 He says that a perfectionist is unwilling to accept two truths that God says about all people: one, that we're all limited as human beings and, two, that we are all fallen sinners. "In the end," he writes, "perfectionism is the ongoing attempt to need Jesus less."3 That hits hard for me. I often find that I want Jesus to fix me more than I want Jesus Himself. I don't want to need Him. But as we've established, the goal of the Christian life, and therefore your life as a Christian mom, is dependence. Perfect parenting is the enemy of faithful (or faith-filled) parenting because when we are trying to need God less, we cannot possibly depend on Him more. And depending on Him is the only way we can be the moms He created us to be. Continue reading on our blog. |
- "The Good Part," track 2 on AJR, The Click, AJR Productions, 2021.
- Jeremy Pierre, "Perfectionism Will Only Make You Miserable," Southern Equip, August 20, 2021, https://equip.sbts.edu/article/perfectionism-will-only-make-you-miserable/.
- Pierre, "Perfectionism Will Only Make You Miserable."
Excerpted with permission from Help! I'm Ruining My Kids by Abbey Wedgeworth, copyright Abbey Wedgeworth. |
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Let's not let perfectionism keep us from enjoying the process of sanctification with Jesus (the part we so want to skip!) in our parenting and in our lives. You measure up. Trust the Savior! ~ Devotionals Daily |
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A Gospel Guide for the Mom Who's Desperate for Change | Help! I'm Ruining My Kids |
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+ $10 off $45+ with code SPRING10 |
Are you worried that, despite your best efforts, you're messing up your kids? Help! I'm Ruining My Kids is your invitation to trade defeat and fear for hope and joy as you follow the biblical road map to becoming the mom you're meant to be. We all desperately want to be good mothers who produce good humans, but our flaws and habits get in the way. We're reactive when we want to be intentional. We check out when we need to be engaged. And at the end of a long day, our minds are often flooded with thoughts of self-condemnation. Author and mother Abbey Wedgeworth has been there too. But she has an important message to share with fellow moms: Nothing is beyond redemption--not you, not your experience of motherhood, and not your kids' experience of your imperfections. |
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In Help! I'm Ruining My Kids, Abbey invites you to journey with her toward a place where God's grace frees you from a guilty conscience, his compassion ministers to your past and present hardships, and his Spirit transforms you to look more like Jesus. With refreshing transparency, practical wisdom, and biblical encouragement, Abbey helps you to: - Identify and accept your personal limits
- Develop realistic expectations for motherhood
- Discover how to fight against mom guilt and the shame that comes with it
- Create a comprehensive action plan for change
- Learn to parent well as a work in progress
The good news is we can change--with a few practical tools and a whole lot of God's grace. |
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$10 off $45+ with code SPRING10 |
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Jesus Calling for Moms, Pink Leathersoft |
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Praying the Scriptures for Your Children 20th Anniversary Edition |
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| Dear Single Mom, You're Doing Great! |
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Relaxed Online Bible Study |
Relaxed Online Bible Study |
What if you could live more like Jesus—unhurried, unworried, and relaxed? In Relaxed with Megan Fate Marshman, you'll discover how the One who was never worried about a thing lived with calm confidence and trust in God—and how you can learn to do the same. You'll explore spiritual practices that help you let go of your worries and striving and walk with more trust and peace. Join Relaxed Online Bible Study and get access to seven teaching videos and other helpful tools—all FREE when you sign up! |
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this devotion with someone who needs it today |
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