Habits of the Household: What Is Your Normal? |
|
|
It's a hard question to answer, because normal things are usually the invisible things. Your everyday habits are precisely the habits you don't notice. That is, until a crisis reveals them. It was a kids' bedtime that first revealed to me my normal as a dad. A few years ago, I was putting my four boys to bed, and everything was going the way it always did. There was bathwater everywhere. The boys were escaping bath and wrestling on the floor of their room. I was shouting orders with increasing volume. No one was listening. I threatened severe bodily harm if teeth were not brushed. It didn't really work. I finally muscled everyone into bed, turned off the lights, murmured something about I love you and God does too, and then closed the door. Standing in the hallway that night, the Holy Spirit suddenly revealed something to me: This is your normal. Like all moments of grace, it was at first startling. It was convicting. Standing in the hallway with one hand on the doorknob of the boys room, I realized that it was totally normal for me to yell and shout my kids to bed. My evening routine was a liturgy of anger and frustration. Again, like all moments of grace, I suddenly realized I should change that. A few weeks later after sharing this with one of my pastors, he gave me the idea to try a "bedtime liturgy" with my boys as a way to shake up my bedtime routine. Below is what is wrote. |
The first time I did this, it was not smooth. At first, I forgot what I was going to say. Then they took the "Can you see my eyes" as an excuse to poke my eyes. When I asked if they knew I loved them no matter what bad things they do, they were confident the answer was, "No. You clearly do not." We had a lot of work to do, but at least by that time in my parenting career, I knew that nothing is normal until it is. A good parent perseveres with a habit. Then came a night a few weeks later where one of my sons, laying in bed, asked if they could have their nighttime blessing. We exchanged these words of God's unconditional love for us, no matter how our behavior went, and I shut the door and had another moment hallway reflection. Nothing about my circumstances had changed. The boys were still little children that got a lot of bathwater on the floor again. They still fought over the toothbrushes. They still had trouble listening. But I was different. I was no longer driving the night towards a moment where I could shut the door and say goodnight, I was driving towards a moment when we could talk about how we are loved by God no matter what. I realized that is the power of a good parenting habit. By changing our knee-jerk reaction to ordinary circumstances, God opens up new pathways of grace to guide our hearts, and our children's hearts, into new patterns of life together. |
|
|
We all have habits. Why not try to let the Lord reshape them into new normals? |
We all have habits. Why not try to let the Lord reshape them into new normals? |
|
|
The Spiritual Power of Habit Soon I began to see this everywhere. Habits are the things that shape us even when we don't notice it. That's why they are so powerful. Christians have a spiritual word for this, we call it "liturgy." Liturgies are the patterns of worship we do over and over, semi-consciously to unconsciously, because we want to be shaped in the image of the God who loves us. But notice how similar habits and liturgies are. They are both things that we do over and over, semi-consciously to unconsciously, and they both shape up. The only difference is that liturgy "admits" that it is centered around worship. Our daily habits often obscure what we worship, but that of course doesn't mean were not worshiping something. - We were created by God to be people of worship. We can't help but worship. So the question is not whether we're worshipping in our daily habits, the question is just "What are we worshipping?".
Habits of the Household Here is a thought for you: "We become our habits, and our kids become us." If that has any truth to it, then our habits of the household are one of the most significant parts of our children's spiritual formation. And usually, we don't pay any attention to it! After my bedtime fiasco of realizing my "normal," I started to think about this everywhere. Habits of the Household: Practicing the Story of God in Everyday Family Rhythms is what came out of those years of refection. My boys are still quite little. We have four of them, from pre-school to middle-school, and if you came into our house you would find it as messy and loud as any house. However, I hope you would also notice some rhythms that to us, have become normal. And yet, they shape our days in powerfully spiritual ways. They are all little things: We begin dinner by lighting a candle and proclaiming "Christ is light." It's a small way to call kids to dinner (as it turns out they like fire) but a big way to shape their theological imagination in the truth that Christ animates all of existence. Before leaving for school in the morning, we pause at the door and all recite a sending prayer: "Father, Son and Holy Spirit, thank You for this day. Bless us as we work, study, and pray. Be present with us, in all we do, may we bring glory and honor to You." It's simple and short, it even rhymes a little. But it's a way to make our moment before school a little less of a rush, and a little more of a missional moment where we all walk out into the world to glorify God. After discipline, we have liturgies of saying, "I'm sorry," "I forgive you," and then hugging to reconcile. This has been a really important one for us, as I'm confident me and my boys get more opportunities to apologize and reconcile than most. But it's a wonderful way to remember that conflict amongst sinners is not unusual. What's unusual is forgiveness and reconciliation. Letting God Make "New Normals" All of these things are little, and yet the Lord has used all of them to reshape our day to day interactions in meaningful ways. - We all have habits. Why not try to let the Lord reshape them into new normals?
But remember this: Habits won't change God's love for us. But God's love for us should change our habits. |
1. I am indebted to Paul David Tripp's excellent book Parenting: Fourteen Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2016) for this key idea. Excerpted with permission from Habits of the Household by Justin Whitmel Earley, copyright Avodah, LLC. * |
|
|
What is your normal? What could be adjusted even just a little bit, reshaped and focused by the Lord to lead to "new normals"? What new habits/liturgies are you putting in place? ~ Devotionals Daily |
|
|
Discover simple habits and easy-to-implement daily rhythms that will help you find meaning beyond the chaos of family life as you create a home where kids and parents alike practice how to love God and each other.
Award-winning author and father of four Justin Whitmel Earley understands the tension between how you long to parent and what your daily life actually looks like. In Habits of the Household, Earley gives you the tools you need to create structure--from mealtimes to bedtimes--that free you to parent toddlers, kids, and teens with purpose. Learn how to:
- Develop a bedtime liturgy to settle your little ones and ground them in God's love
- Discover a new framework for discipline as discipleship
- Acquire simple practices for more regular and meaningful family mealtimes
- Open your eyes to the spirituality of parenting, seeing small moments as big opportunities for spiritual formation
- Develop a custom age chart for your family to more intentionally plan your shared years under the same roof
Each chapter in Habits of the Household ends with practical patterns, prayers, or liturgies that your family can put into practice right away. As you create liberating rhythms around your everyday routines, you will find your family has a greater sense of peace and purpose as your home becomes a place where, above all, you learn how to love. |
|
|
What Our Readers Are Saying |
"Achievable habit formation with a great heart behind it. Realistic, not overly idealistic." — Buzzy H. |
"Habits of the Household is one of the best practical resources for parenting and discipling my children that I've found. I have older children, but the habits work for everyone and have drastically changed the climate in our homes to form godly routines, not out of legalism, but hearts and minds that want to be transformed by the gospel of Christ. Would highly recommend to parents who are feeling frustrated, exhausted, or simply want to form more gospel-centered families." — Tessa |
"Loved it so much I bought his other 2 books. Life changing ideas for pointing your children to Jesus and helping them understand what is really important." — Starla B. |
"So excited to use these materials with our growth group! Simple and far reaching habits to embrace with our families." — Peggy S. |
|
|
Get the "Habits of the Household Planner" printables free when you purchase Habits of the Household book or study guide – delivered to your email after ordering! |
|
|
Endorsements for the Book |
"Parents need this book! Rhythms are paramount in our families, and Justin offers insights on how practicing them at home displays Jesus to our children in ways words alone cannot." —Rebekah Lyons, bestselling author "If you've never considered how a liturgy could include children bouncing on their beds or cooling down after a meltdown or passing the pepper around the dinner table (and I never had), this book could help you change the habits of your home." —Russell Moore, Christianity Today "If you feel like life is moving at a frenetic pace, and you're struggling to keep your own heart centered, let alone your family's, this book will be strong medicine." —Ruth Chou Simons & Troy Simons |
Explore more from Justin Whitmel Earley |
|
|
Study Guide plus Streaming Video |
| |
|
The Body Teaches the Soul |
| Study Guide plus Streaming Video |
|
|
| The Body Teaches the Soul Video Study |
| |
|
Don't miss our New Year's Sale!
Grab deals up to 60% Off + get an Extra $10 Off orders $50+ with code NY26. |
The GREAT Morning Revolution Online Bible Study |
The GREAT Morning Revolution Online Bible Study |
Change your entire day by how you start your morning. In The Great Morning Revolution with Tara Beth Leach, you'll go from scattered to spiritually centered—before the day begins. Using the GREAT framework—Gratitude, Reflect, Exalt, Ask, Trust—you'll build a gentle, flexible morning practice to deepen your relationship with God Join The Great Morning Revolution Online Bible Study and get access to six teaching videos and other helpful tools—all FREE when you sign up! |
|
|
this devotion with someone who needs it today |
|
|
*Sale price ends on 01/12/26 at 11:59 PM CST. Limited quantities available. Sale pricing excludes ebooks and audiobooks. Free Standard Shipping for U.S. orders over $35 excluding Alaska and Hawaii. *Offer valid until 01/12/26 at 11:59 PM. ET or while supplies last. Offer valid online and by phone only. Take an additional $10 off your purchase of $50 or more with code NY26, after promotions and discounts and before shipping and handling costs are applied. Shipping, gift cards, or customization of products does not qualify towards minimum purchase requirements. Offer only available to customers in the United States age 18 and older. To redeem offer, enter promo code during online checkout or provide the code to a representative during phone orders. Cannot be redeemed for cash or combined with any other discount offer. FaithGateway reserves the right to de-activate the promo code in the event of fraud or technical issues and limit quantities of individual items eligible for purchase with this discount. Void where prohibited, taxed or restricted by law. Not valid for resale. *Points earned through our loyalty program can be stacked with most promotional offers, including seasonal and special promotions, with the exception of welcome codes or other select offers at our discretion. Eligibility for stacking may vary based on specific promo code terms. We reserve the right to determine which promotional codes can or cannot be combined with loyalty points. *eBook and audiobook purchases are fulfilled by our partner, Glose. Please note that: To access your eBooks, you can download the free Glose app or read instantly in your browser by creating a Glose account using the same email address you use to purchase the eBooks. eBooks fulfilled through Glose cannot be printed, downloaded as PDF, or read in other digital readers (like Kindle or Nook). For more information about how to access eBooks purchased on this site, click here for our FAQs. |
|
|
|
No comments:
Post a Comment