To know God's viewpoint about us is the starting point, regardless of what kind of physical or lifestyle change is in order. You see, good self-esteem is equally unobtainable through pride or shame. Neither posture aligns with God's heart for you. Just choosing to like yourself is a game you'll lose if it's based on comparison or your feelings. Trying to "make yourself better" in response to shame is also a losing battle. God is pleased when we align our thoughts with His. He transforms our lives with the renewing of our minds (Romans 12:2).
So how do we move from being consumed by thoughts about ourselves to thoughts God desires? The apostle Paul wrote quite a bit about our thoughts, connecting our thoughts with our state of mind — whether we are rejoicing, anxious, or at peace. My guess is that Paul understood what it was to dwell on unhelpful thoughts about self. And therefore, he exhorted:
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. — Colossians 3:16
In other words: Be consumed with God's Word and help yourself and others remember it through speaking truth, thinking truth, singing truth, and praising God for truth.
I'm always amazed how the answer to our anxious thoughts, about ourselves or otherwise, is never to think harder or be better; it's to turn our thoughts to God. It's a call for self-forgetfulness.
If we're forgetting self, what, then, do we think about?
Again, Paul gave clear instructions:
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me — practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.
— Philippians 4:6–9
Here's a simple exercise to apply this passage to your life:
How has God uniquely created you? Think about that.
How has Christ redeemed you in spite of your unloveliness? Think about that.
How has God faithfully transformed you little by little? Think about that.
What, in your life, is more than you deserve? Think about that.
Where do you see God restoring beauty for ashes? Think about that.
What do you get to do with your hands and feet and with the other parts of your body He's given you to use? Think about that.
How can you use your body to be an instrument of praise rather than an object of critique? Think about that.
How could you take care of your body in a way that delights your Maker? Think about that.
What in creation is beautiful to you? Think about that.
How can you image Christ today? Think about that.
How about simply thinking more about others and less about yourself? Think about all these things.
When you think about those things, you begin thinking less about yourself and more about Christ and others. The words we think or speak about ourselves will change when we focus on what is beautiful about God instead of what we don't find lovely about ourselves.
It's hard to continually obsess over what you don't like about yourself if you are constantly thinking about what you love about God.
- The words we think or speak about ourselves will change when we focus on what is beautiful about God instead of what we don't find lovely about ourselves.
As we fix our thoughts on Him as his Word dwells in us richly, things begin to change. I imagine that if we could hear each other's inner thoughts as His Word dwells in us richly, we'd be surprised to find we're not alone, and the cacophony of praise, rejoicing, and loveliness would encourage us deeply.
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