Can having a plan be a love language? Because I think it's mine. It's how I feel most loved, and it's also how I try to show love. I love being one step ahead of any disaster. One step ahead of another's needs. I show you that I love you by thinking ahead and having a plan, so you don't have to. (That, and by feeding you like an Asian mom: Are you feeling sad? I'll make you a bowl of noodles. You're making a big decision? You'll think more clearly after some dumplings. By the way, there are always extra servings of dinner at the Simonses' casita.)
A plan signals that things are calm and stable, with no surprises. That's how I like it.
But as you know, having a plan is a close cousin to a desire for control, and I tend to be a big fan of that too. A steady timeline, knowing exactly which route to take for maximum efficiency, following through as expected, making a plan and sticking to the plan, getting things right so nothing ever feels out of control... these things all spell L.O.V.E. to me. I'm only slightly kidding. (Troy knows I'm totally not kidding.)
My buddy Caleb, who's worked with me on many projects, likes to tease me by describing me as someone who enjoys "preparing to prepare." In other words, I tend to act as if it's never too early to start planning and that we can never be over-prepared to execute a plan.
Overpreparing always seems foolproof... until my plans fail, circumstances out of my control affect my plan, or I can't figure out how to make order of the chaos of my life. Perhaps you also are an overplanning, need-to-know-all-variables control freak. (I hope I'm not the only one.) But the truth is, all the planning in the world can't fully prepare you for loss, pain, disappointment, or the plot twists in your life.
I planned to love motherhood but found myself struggling with the mundane everydayness of the little years.
I planned to never stop dreaming and then found myself apathetic about my purpose and my giftings when opportunities didn't pan out.
I planned to use my twenties preparing for ministry, my thirties for building ministry, and my forties for expanding in ministry but found that all of those seasons were going to be flipped around.
I planned to grow steadily as a Christ follower through hard seasons and then found myself withdrawn and distant from the Lord when I couldn't make sense of my feelings.
When I look back, I can see now that my idea of planning was less rooted in active and deliberate choices and more based on my expectation that things would unfold as I hoped.
- You see, our plans can convince us that we're more in control of our lives than we actually are.
We're tempted to believe that if we can create some sense of certainty in our lives and understand the plan, then we will experience peace instead of chaos.
With this perspective, it's no wonder we struggle with so much fear and anxiety! Our best-laid plans are but an attempt to secure the confidence, predictability, and settledness we long for in a chaotic world. But what if the uncertainty and chaos we're constantly trying to eliminate are purposeful, even if it drives us crazy?
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