Change Starts with You, Not Your Children |
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But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. — Galatians 5:22-23 |
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| "Nate! You stop yelling and chasing your sister! Right now!" Nate was at that age. As a three-and-half-year-old, he was merely doing what kids in the "half years" do. This was not surprising. What was surprising is that his adult mother had just leapt a baby gate like an Olympic hurdler, screaming at the top of her lungs as she ungracefully chased her son around the toy-filled room. I was determined to put a stop to his behavior, insisting that he treat his little sister, Libby, with patience, kindness, and grace. In McCord family legend, the comically chaotic episode became known as "Babygate." It was quite a scene, and somewhere in the madness of the moment, God opened my eyes to the fact that I was acting in the very way I was demanding that Nate should change. Unaware of the reasons behind my reactions, I failed to remain mindful and composed, letting my unhelpful overreactions take control. No matter what I was hollering at the time, I inadvertently taught Nate that chasing and yelling were acceptable actions, reinforcing the very behavior I sought to prevent. Before our kids came into our lives, I had this picture-perfect idea of how I was going to parent and shape my kids. Have you done this as well? If so, have you ever noticed that your vision of how you want your kids to be shaped matches your personality type? Well, this was absolutely true for me. In fact, everything I was trying to instill in my kids came directly from my Enneagram Type Nine perspective. I dreamt of us spending quality time together, growing and learning as a family while building strong, harmonious bonds. We would have a home where we played lots of board games together, enjoyed long talks around a cozy dinner table, and cuddled up to read stories before bedtime. In my dreams, I thought my parenting style would foster kind, empathetic, and peaceful children — with me, of course, forging the path ahead as their loving yet reasonably assertive guide. How could my vision not happen? It seemed easy enough, right? But of course, reality pelted my expectations with a rotating supply of dirty diapers, unhappy kids, and soiled bibs. As my vision became a long-lost dream, my patience began to dwindle, leaving me irritable and moody. Day-to-day power struggles left me feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, and utterly drained. I couldn't fathom why I couldn't achieve the harmonious family life I'd imagined. It seemed so doable. Where did I go wrong? As I look back on those early years (and the stages after), parenting was incredibly tough. I went through (and sometimes still go through) emotions of irritability, frustration, disappointment, or guilt marked by yelling, overreacting, criticizing, withdrawing, or crying. I was desperate to find new ways to understand and connect with my children, ways that would somehow make parenting easier. But my baby gate moment was a much-needed wake-up call to a different journey toward self-awareness as a parent, one informed by my main Enneagram type. Despite my many ongoing mistakes, I committed to learning from them, growing as a person, and developing stronger relationships with my kids based on more than just the primary ways I see and interact with the world. How did I find this path? I didn't. God's love was the path that found me. It led me to begin focusing on self-awareness, compassionate communication, and grace-filled conflict resolution. |
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Instead of fighting against or ignoring our own stories that help make sense of the ways our internal worlds are naturally organized, we can embrace them and begin parenting as our truest selves. |
Instead of fighting against or ignoring our own stories that help make sense of the ways our internal worlds are naturally organized, we can embrace them and begin parenting as our truest selves. |
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In the all-too-common parental drive to shape or "fix" our kids, moms, like me, often overlook the real issue we are facing: we have not yet learned to recognize and regulate our own inner worlds. We don't understand our own personality type and its unique core motivations, which also means we have not yet unpacked or become familiar with our own internal story. That's why, contrary to what we feel, the single most important variable in the parenting journey is not nailing down all that is wrong or needs to be adjusted with our kids. Rather, it is learning to make sense of our own internal worlds. In other words, - a mom's capacity to be aware of her child's developing mind and emotions is directly and deeply related to whether she herself has first addressed her own developmental story.
Whether we know it or not, these issues of self-awareness and self-understanding are already affecting the ways we are showing up in our kids' lives. In fact, they are much more significant than the number of parenting books we read, the chore charts we create, or the well-meaning lectures we dictate to our children. If we can learn and grow in this area, it will help us become calm and steady as we show up in our kids' lives as a humble, curious, non-anxious, connected presence. However, lacking self-awareness and never learning to know ourselves well can create unhealthy dynamics and problems for ourselves and our kids. Our issues can begin mixing with theirs, making it especially hard for our children to keep developing into their own unique selves. Instead of fighting against or ignoring our own stories that help make sense of the ways our internal worlds are naturally organized, we can embrace them and begin parenting as our truest selves. By doing so, we enrich our family tree with healthy branches of individuality and authenticity. Embracing our true selves allows us to provide a nurturing environment where our children feel empowered to explore their own story. This approach keeps us from trying to make our kids little versions of us, allowing them to freely become the unique people God created them to be. Awareness is where we must begin. |
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The next time you experience a "hurdle the baby gate" moment, consider how your own developmental story might be influencing the parenting story unfolding around you. From a place of self-awareness, how can you instead choose healing and growth for yourself and your family? ~ Devotionals Daily |
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Want to discover your true colors?
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The Enneagram for Moms: See the True Colors of Yourself and Your Children as God Intends |
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+ FREE shipping on all orders over $35 |
Beth McCord, widely known as Your Enneagram Coach, shows how motherhood is divinely intended to be a transformative journey where moms not only help paint a portrait of their family, but also cultivate resilience, self-awareness, and deep connections with God, their spouse, and their children. God alone is the Master Artist intricately involved in every brushstroke, so moms can find rest and confidence in knowing that the outcomes of His masterpiece are in His capable hands. Gaining deeper understanding of their own inner world (and not just their kids', which is what many parents seek the most), The Enneagram for Moms will help mothers: - find healing for their emotional patterns and personality, allowing them to be healthy and positive influences in their children's lives;
- discover how their distinct shades already color their parenting approach;
- gain valuable tools to help their children navigate their own emotional landscapes with self-awareness and resilience;
- see themselves and their children as God intends, breaking free from the cycles of mommy shaming and mommy guilting; and
- recognize that each child already possesses a unique blend of colors, reflecting God's infinitely beautiful design.
This essential resource speaks directly to the heart of every mother, caregiver, or concerned adult seeking guidance and peace. Moms no longer need to strive for perfection or conform to society's expectations or their own insecure standards of comparison. Instead, they can rely on God's providence and guidance as they navigate the beautiful messiness of family life. |
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More Than Your Number: A Christ-Centered Enneagram Approach to Becoming AWARE of Your Internal World |
Are you interested in the Enneagram, but want to explore your personality more fully than a single number result? Discover how the Enneagram can be paired with the power of the gospel in this revolutionary and transformative guide for Enneagram beginners and experts alike. We are all made up of parts. Have you ever said, "Part of me wants to go to the party, but part of me wants to stay home"? We already speak in these terms without realizing it. More Than Your Number takes a deeper dive into the world of the Enneagram by moving past the quickly assigned and sometimes stereotypical Enneagram Types to consider and engage your unique, multidimensional personality. After discovering your Enneagram Internal Profile (EIP), you'll be able to not only name what has affected you your entire life, whether positively or negatively, but also understand and apply the truth of how God intends to redeem and use all of you—not just parts of you. - Explore the driving force behind your unhealthy thoughts, feelings, and behaviors
- Learn how to lead yourself out of unhealthy patterns and get real help
- Experience deeper understanding, confidence, and peace in your relationships with God, yourself, and others
- Discover why the Enneagram on its own is not enough and how the gospel changes everything
Discover your real identity in Christ, readjusting your internal world toward a healthier path for your unique personality type. |
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| This is an interactive book that focuses on those who have a core desire to have integrity and to be good, balanced, accurate, virtuous, and right. The book explores the unique motivations, longings, strengths, and weaknesses of a Type 1. |
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| More Than Your Number takes a deeper dive into the world of the Enneagram by moving past the quickly assigned and sometimes stereotypical Enneagram Types to consider and engage your unique, multidimensional personality. |
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| This interactive book focuses on those who have a core desire to be valuable, admired, and respected. The book explores the unique motivations, longings, strengths, and weaknesses of a Type 3. |
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| Type 4: The Romantic Individualist is a great self-assessment resource for all spheres of life, including personal and professional relationships, faith communities, and students and even pop culture |
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| Inside readers will find space to journal about their uniqueness, goals for inner stability, and ideals for achieving peace of mind, and teachings about the strengths, challenges, and opportunities that a Type 5 needs in order to build a more meaningful life, lasting relationships, and a deeper understanding of God and one's self |
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| This book focuses on those who have a core desire to have security, guidance, and support. The book explores the unique motivations, longings, strengths, and weaknesses of a Type 6. |
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| Get to know your personality type and your truer self with these two titles, together in one great package! This book explores the unique motivations, longings, strengths, and weaknesses of a Type 7. |
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| This interactive book focuses on those who have a core desire to protect themselves and remain in control. The book explores the unique motivations, longings, strengths, and weaknesses of a Type 8. |
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| Explore the unique motivations, longings, strengths, and weaknesses of a Type 9 and focus on those who have a core desire to gain inner stability and peace of mind. |
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this devotion with someone who needs it today |
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