Matthew 6:22-23, "The eye is the lamp of the body. So if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness." Looking back on those years of running through rebellion, I see a girl who wanted nothing more than to be pursued. My heart yearned for wholeness yet didn't understand that wholeness was found in the One who created me. Underneath each area of pain in my story, you'd find the lie tucked away that said I was too broken and too messy to see an escape from my patterns of sin. Not so long ago I found myself deep in prayer asking The Lord where my rebellion stemmed from. When did the brokenness begin entangling my heart? Who sowed the seed? You see, I wasn't a textbook rebellious girl. My issues didn't stem from lacking my dad's affection. It was quite the opposite. My dad has always been in my corner. Rooting for me, supporting me, always telling me how beautiful, capable, kind, and gifted I am. This issue with worth, value, and love just wasn't making sense to me… Then Lord revealed this to my heart, "Chelsey it's nothing that was done to you and nothing you did to someone; it's what you saw." He led me back to my seven-year-old self sitting on the carpet in the back room at a family member's house when I was exposed to a type of TV show no girl should've ever been exposed to. At that moment sin planted a seed. The seed was sown through my eyes and slithered into my heart. A seed that then continued to be watered by the world and its never-ending desire to pervert truth. The enemy latched onto this image and wanted nothing more than for me to set my gaze on this false feeling. Satan deceived me into believing a young woman needed to act like the girl on TV to be loved, pursued, and desired. |
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