I'm not a boundaries failure. Neither are you.... ~ OKECHUKWUVITUSS

- ONE WEEK LEFT -

Join us for the Good Boundaries and Goodbyes Online Bible Study beginning Monday, July 24, 2023!

Friend, I want to speak tenderly to your heart. Just you and me. You're going to make it. And so am I. But it's going to get hard. Really hard. I so wish I was standing right with you, whispering a boundaries pep talk into your ear the next time someone hurts you and tries to make you feel like the crazy one. And I wish you were doing the same for me when I need to be reminded of these truths, because I surely will need to be preached to with these very words I've written.

Just a few nights ago, I wish I could have had a little conference call with you. I was crying. A big, ugly, my- eyes- were- swollen- the next- day cry. I had such hopes that a conversation with someone with whom I'd set boundaries would go well. The boundaries seemed to have worked. I wanted to have more interaction with the person. I'd held strong for so long and they seemed to have been so sincere in their promise that they'd changed. They also committed to being kind and to listen without attacking me if I would be willing to have a face- to- face conversation. So, I agreed.

And it took only about thirty minutes for me to realize what a mistake I'd made. I was shocked by how things started off okay but then very quickly turned harsh.

I felt so foolish.

I felt scared.

I felt lost in all the confusion swirling in their accusations against me and their grand statements about how much God was with them and that they were praying for my cold heart.

Not one other human who I do daily life with would have agreed with what this person was saying about me, but this person's words still carried such weight that every syllable landed like a dagger straight through my heart.

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Then came that moment that I thought to myself, I'm such an idiot. Boundaries don't work. But then something amazing happened. Though I was shaking on the inside, I didn't sink down to the level of returning hate for hate. Or accusation for accusation. Instead, I told them that what they were doing was not acceptable and that I would no longer allow them to come to my home until they stopped the harmful behavior.

And it worked.

No, they didn't change on the spot.

No, they didn't acknowledge that what they were doing was unhealthy.

No, they didn't apologize or even recognize how their actions were hurting me.

But the person did leave. And though I cried buckets afterward, I realized I had never lost control of myself in the midst of the confrontation. And that was a huge win.

I'm not a boundaries failure. Neither are you. We are in process. And that, my friend, is one of the healthiest places to be. Remember, boundaries aren't going to fix the other person. But they are going to help you stay fixed on what is good, what is acceptable, and what you need to stay healthy and safe.

I can't be there to whisper all of this in your ear. But I sure will be the friend who understands the next time we get together to process all of this. Love you . . .

***

Friends - it's not too late to join us for the Good Boundaries and Goodbyes Online Bible Study. This is a message we all need. Let's learn how to set healthy, loving, and Biblical boundaries together.

It all starts Monday, July 24th... see you there?

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It won't be the same without you!