I stood under the dim streetlamp, staring at my phone. Flight canceled. Not rescheduled. Canceled. I stuttered my excuses to a disinterested Lyft driver, closed the backseat door, and steered my luggage back toward the house, tears forming in the corners of my eyes. What was I supposed to do in the middle of the night? I should have been preparing to board a cross-country red-eye flight to make the Ignatian silent retreat of my dreams. Eight blissful days of peace and intimacy with Jesus, the Lover of my soul, alongside sweet religious sisters. As I frantically dialed the airline and explained my dilemma, I felt abandoned by God, the very One I ached to be with. Why are You allowing this, Lord? All I want is to be with You. Why is this so hard? Even though I was able to rebook my flight, I would no longer be there in time to meet the other sisters or be present for the opening Mass. I would not get to enjoy dinner with my spiritual director or spend a day exploring the grounds before entering into nearly a week's worth of silence. And when I finally did arrive at the sleepy retreat house after a long, lonely, sleepless night and a brutal day of travel, I collapsed on the stiff mattress and let out a barking cough, knowing that for the next eight days my lungs would burn and my body would ache. But the missed flight and respiratory troubles were just the beginning, and the least painful part, of that week. |
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I had anticipated quiet on the grounds of the retreat center and in the chapel, but I did not expect silence from God. For eight days, I encountered only a cold and vast silence. I felt my cries echo off canyon walls and return to me as desperate as they had left my lips. I tried, but I couldn't reach across the void. Where are You, God? Why can't I hear You or feel You here? The longing that drove me to seek God in that retreat house's unfamiliar chapel seemed to mock me as I strained to hear something. Why would He give me this desire to fly with Him only to leave me standing alone on the edge of something beautiful? Why is God sometimes silent? Where are His words when our souls cry out to Him and the loneliness presses out all the air from our lungs? How can the Father seem the farthest from us when we are grasping for a hand? Perhaps you have stood on this edge. Desperate for help in a financial crisis, aching for comfort after a breakup, reaching out for some sense of stability after a diagnosis — and instead you were left feeling empty-handed. In those lonely hours, our voices do not go unheard. No, they are joined with another voice that cried out to our hearing, yet hidden, Father: My God, my God, why have You forsaken me? — Matthew 27:46 From the Cross, Jesus gasped these words of the psalmist, forever joining the chorus of hearts that shout out to God. When we stand overlooking this chasm — when we seek God but hear silence — we do not stand alone. Jesus' outstretched arms reach back. His prayer answers ours. His heart covers the distance. During those eight nights, sleep and oxygen eluded me, but He was there. In the quiet hours on that hard pew, He listened to everything I said and failed to say. He gave me space. When I wept alone before His stone form hanging from the crumbling Cross, He looked back at me. His knowing eyes were full of love and suffering — with me, for me. The Lord is not unmoved by your efforts to seek Him in prayer. He is not deaf to your cries in the midnight hours. He does not turn His back when tears slip down your face. When you fear you will never hear Him again, instead breathe deeply. Even the silence is filled with Him. READING: MATTHEW 27:46 - Even silence is filled with God's presence. Meditate on this truth.
- What do you take to Jesus over and over again in prayer? Remind yourself that He is listening even when it feels as though He is not.
~ Beth Davis |
Excerpted with permission from Loving God, Loving Others by Beth Davis, Megan Hjelmstad, Nell O'Leary, Bonnie Engstrom, Sarah Erickson, and Emily Stimpson Chapman, copyright Blessed Is She, Inc. * |
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Have you ever heard only silence from God? Are you in that lonely place now? Keep trusting. Keep calling out. Keep leaning on Him. He is always there with you and for you. |
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Find health and healing in your relationships |
Loving God, Loving Others: 52 Devotions to Create Connections That Last |
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+ FREE shipping on all orders $35 and more |
Your longing for meaningful connection is a good and holy desire. God made us to love one another, and we love because He first loved us. In Loving God, Loving Others, the ladies of the Catholic community Blessed is She pour their hearts onto the page to invite you into a deeper relationship with the One who loves you in order that you may pour out His love into every relationship in your life and create connections that last. Over the course of 52 weeks, you're invited to reflect on six rungs of relationships in your life: your relationship with God, yourself, your family of origin, your family or loved ones today, your friendships, and your workplace. In each section, you'll uncover: - God's relentless pursuit of your heart
- Evidence of His promise to heal our hurts
- How to deepen your relationship with God through prayer and the sacraments
- The value of healthy boundaries
- The joy of vulnerability in Christian relationships
- God's plan to use community to edify our hearts
- The importance of prioritizing different kinds of relationships
In these pages, may the lonely find comfort. May the tired find rest. May the betrayed find healing. And may the healed ones heal others. We were made to do this life with God and with one another, so come with the hopefulness of forming connections that matter, connections that last. |
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Six different women in the Blessed is She community share more about their personal stories to inspire you to find health and healing in your own relationships. Each devotional entry includes: - A Scripture reference
- A devotion written by one of six Blessed is She authors
- Prompts for reflection
- Designed full-color pages with original art
By the end of the 52 weeks, you will come away with greater clarity and self-knowledge of the One who loves you and how His love fills you with the compassion, self-control, and kindness you need for every other relationship in your life. |
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The God of the How and When Online Bible Study |
by Kathie Lee Gifford and Rabbi Jason Sobel |
The God of the How and When Online Bible Study |
by Kathie Lee Gifford and Rabbi Jason Sobel |
"My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways . . . as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." -Isaiah 55:8–9 Friend, let's kick off the new year studying God's word together! Sign up now and join us for The God of the How and When Online Bible Study with Kathie Lee Gifford and Rabbi Jason Sobel. |
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this devotion with someone who needs it today |
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