selfishness vs. selfhood vs. selflessness

What if walking with Jesus this Christmas means to learn how to say yes to reclaiming your God-given light?

The Best of You This Christmas Today's inspiration comes from: The Best of You by Dr. Alison Cook The holiday season is here. Like me, your focus is likely shifting to all of the needs and expectations around you. You can quickly fall into painful patterns of pleasing everybody else — only to find yourself exhausted and running on empty. That's why I want to invite you to pause, take a deep breath, and check in with yourself: What do you want from this Advent season? What needs are you dying to have met? What convictions are you aching to protect? What step can you take toward honoring a limit? What or who will bring out the best of you?   Whenever I talk to people about the importance of focusing on what they need and want, I get pushback like this:   "But . . . isn't that selfish?" "Didn't Jesus teach us to deny ourselves?" "Isn't it good to be selfless?"   My answer is this: there is a big difference between selfhood and selfishness. Furthermore, being selfless is not always the right choice.   Here is one way to illustrate the differences: SELFISHNESS It's all about me. SELFHOOD It's about you and me. SELFLESSNESS It's all about you.   Jesus was no doormat. Jesus was no doormat.   Selfhood is rooted in the idea that you were made in God's image (Genesis 1:27). You bear the image of God inside your soul. You are God's handiwork, created to do good in this world (Ephesians 2:10). Uncovering a deep sense of yourself doesn't just "happen." And it's anything but superficial. In fact, a healthy sense of self is something you develop, with care and intention, in partnership with God's Spirit. Selfhood starts by facing yourself honestly. It includes acknowledging what's hard and celebrating the gifts you've been given.   Selfhood is necessary to make wise decisions, show up with integrity, and create the rhythms you need to stay healthy — especially during the holiday season. It's not being selfish, and it's also not being a doormat. It's an understanding that in any relationship, two people have perspectives that matter, and you are one of those people.   In fact, developing a sense of self is the most foundational step to setting healthy boundaries with other people. Without selfhood, your decisions are driven by guilt and fear. You take the path of least resistance or work overtime to please everyone else. You prioritize the expectations of other people instead of honoring your own authentic wants and needs.   You don't show up as the best of who you are. You don't live out of the best of who God created you to be. The Example of Jesus   Jesus gave us an amazing example of selfhood during His short time on earth. In fact, Jesus' strong sense of self empowered Him to sustain healthy boundaries. He demonstrated a clear pattern of letting His yes be yes and His no be no (Matthew 5:37), whether He was taking time for Himself or spending it with other people.   When you live from a strong sense of self, your yes and your no become strong, clear, and powerful. Consider some of the following examples: Jesus said yes to asking for help (Mark 14:32–34). Jesus said yes to choosing friends carefully (Luke 6:12–16). Jesus said yes to honoring His emotions (John 11:35; Mark 3:5; Luke 22:44). Jesus said yes to developing His potential (Luke 2:46). Jesus said yes to sticking to His convictions (Luke 4:1–13).   As a result of the foundational ways in which Jesus claimed His identity, talents, and purpose, He was also able to say no when it was needed. Here are a few examples.   Jesus said no to being "on" all the time (Matthew 14:23–24). Jesus said no to pleasing and performing (Mark 15:1–5). Jesus said no to toxic behavior (Matthew 23:13–36; Luke 11:37–54). Jesus said no to manipulation (Matthew 4:1–11). Jesus said no to bullies and abusers (Matthew 18:6; John 8:1–11).   As you can see from His example, Jesus was no doormat. When Jesus said to "deny yourself" (Matthew 16:24–26),  He understood the difference between denying your selfishness and denying your selfhood — your God-given, image-bearing self, which is your soul made to shine who God is through your life. If these words resonate with you, can I encourage you to get curious this holiday season: What are some ways you have learned to stay hidden? What are some messages you have picked up, such as: "It's better to stay small." "I shouldn't feel angry or sad." "I should never think of myself." What is a new message God might be inviting you to consider instead? What if walking with Jesus this Christmas means to learn how to say yes to reclaiming your God-given light?   Adapted from Chapter 1 of The Best of You, by Dr. Alison Cook. * Ready to Dig Deeper? SHOP THIS BOOK ► Your Turn Does this make you uncomfortable? That's not a surprise because following Jesus' example is often uncomfortable! What do you want from this Advent season? Come share with us or the answers to Dr. Cooks questions above. We want to hear from you! ~ Devotionals Daily COMMENT Who are you meant to be? Your best self! Save 30% The Best of You: Break Free from Painful Patterns, Mend Your Past, and Discover Your True Self in God $26.99 $18.89 (30% off) + FREE shipping on orders of $35+ SHOP NOW How would your life change if you could show up as your true self?   Do you sometimes feel so stuck in an endless cycle of meeting everyone else's needs and expectations that you lose sight of your own? You want to give the best of yourself to others. But what happens when people hurt or take advantage of you? What happens when life doesn't go your way, despite your best efforts?   The Best of You reveals breakthrough strategies to discover your true self, find your voice, set wise limits, and still be a loving person. For over twenty years, Dr. Alison Cook has brought together faith and psychology to help thousands of women reclaim their confidence, find their purpose, and develop the authentic connections they crave. Her unique wisdom will help you answer these tough questions:   How do I put a stop to painful patterns that keep recurring in my life? How do I find my voice and speak up for myself? What if other people respond with anger, blame, or a guilt trip? How do I trust myself to make wise decisions even in difficult circumstances?   You don't have to stay stuck, overwhelmed, or defeated. The Best of You gives you the path to the life and relationships that God designed for you to enjoy. LEARN MORE ► Today's devotion is by: Dr. Alison Cook What others are saying "Many of us are seeking ways to live healthier lives within ourselves, the world around us, and in our relationships. Through the therapeutic advice in The Best of You, Dr. Alison Cook leads us to ask important questions and work through key strategies so the best of who God intended and desires for us to be can develop. The path toward this kind of healing is not always easy, but it is possible. I hope you will let this beautiful and transformative book show you how!" — Lysa TerKeurst, #1 New York Times bestselling author and president of Proverbs 31 Ministries "Dr. Alison is a bold and courageous messenger for today's Christian woman. She exposes toxic teaching that keeps women feeling small, dependent, passive, and silent. The Best of You is a practical, Biblical road map for a woman to break free from who she thinks, feels, or has been told she is, and take steps to grow into who God created her to be." — Leslie Vernick, international speaker, relationship coach, and author of seven books including the bestselling The Emotionally Destructive Marriage SHOP NOW You might also like... Boundaries for Your Soul How to Turn Your Overwhelming Thoughts and Feelings into Your Greatest Allies $18.99 $13.29 (30% off) + FREE shipping on orders of $35+ SHOP NOW Let Boundaries for Your Soul show you how to turn your shame to joy, your anger to advocacy, and your inner critic into your biggest champion. Do your emotions control you or do you control your emotions? Boundaries for Your Soul, written by bestselling authors and licensed counselors Alison Cook and Kimberly Miller, shows you how to calm the chaos within. This groundbreaking approach will give you the tools you need to: Know what to do when you feel overwhelmed Understand your guilt, anxiety, sadness, and fear Move from doubt and conflict to confidence and peace Find balance and emotional stability Gathering the wisdom from the authors' twenty-five years of combined advanced education, biblical studies, and clinical practice, this book will set you on a journey to become the loving, authentic, joyful person you were created to be. LEARN MORE ► The God of the How and When Online Bible Study by Kathie Lee Gifford and Rabbi Jason Sobel The God of the How and When Online Bible Study by Kathie Lee Gifford and Rabbi Jason Sobel JOIN THE ONLINE BIBLE STUDY ► Get FREE access to 6 video Bible study lessons when you join Starts January 16th "My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways . . . as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."  -Isaiah 55:8–9    Friend, let's kick off the new year studying God's word together! 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