What If We Became Friends? | | | During the summer of 2020, racial tensions in American culture once again made headlines. Images of White policemen killing unarmed African Americans stirred emotions. Our screens were filled with images of individuals breaking windows and looting stores in many of our major cities. On both sides, anger led to overreactions. Some labeled all policemen as racist and called for the abolition of the police. We believe that most citizens were bewildered that such things could be happening. Many thought that as a nation we were further along than that in understanding racial differences and learning to live as fellow citizens with respect for all races and cultures. Many were tired and dejected that such things continue to happen to them. The August 2019 Walmart shooting in El Paso, Texas, in which twenty-two people were killed, was aimed at Hispanics. During the first quarter of 2021, attacks on Asian Americans spiked by 164 percent, according to police data. And Native Americans experienced the violation of more than eight hundred treaties with the United States government, resulting in massive loss of life, land theft, and the subjection of Native Americans to the power of American law. Many of us have lived long enough to remember the racial tensions that accompanied the integration of schools, restaurants, and other public facilities in the 1960s and '70s. Most Americans saw these changes as a giant step forward in racial relations. Yet here we are, half a century later, appearing to have made little progress in racial understanding. The obvious question is why. Why have we made so little progress in living together in the United States of America? Where is our unity? And why does it seem so tenuous? We believe it is because we have failed on the interpersonal level in relating to those of a different race or culture. Most Americans do not have a close personal friend of another race. We may have casual acquaintances, but not close friendships. Some social structural changes, such as school integration, can be legislated. Many of our national and local leaders are seeking to make such changes. But loving relationships cannot be legislated. They must be developed by individuals of different races and cultures. - Without deep cross-cultural friendships, we will never understand each other, and our relationships will always be tenuous in America.
We believe everyone can help heal racial divides one relationship at a time. Cross-cultural friendships become life-changing when we learn from each other, and result in mutually beneficial, intimate, long-lasting relationships while lessening racial tension. Cross-cultural is not simply a Black-White issue. America is composed of numerous cultures, all of which deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. We need to develop loving friendships in which we learn from each other and seek to enrich each other's lives. True friends may disagree on many things, but they will not allow disagreements to divide them. They will each seek the well-being of the other. Imagine a nation, and a world, where cross-cultural friendships are a way of life. In a world often divided by race, it is important to realize that none of us chose our parents, our color, and the place and time of our birth. We were born into a culture which already existed. Some were born into affluent families. Some were born into poverty. Some were born to single moms and never knew their fathers, while others grew up with both a mom and a dad. Some saw their parents divorce, often after experiencing verbal or physical abuse. All of these factors made an impact on our lives. | | | Racial Versus Cultural Identity | We acknowledge that there is considerable confusion even in the terms we use when we refer to someone of a different race. For example, would you call me (Gary) White, Caucasian, or Irish American? Would you call me (Clarence) Black, African American, a person of color, or just an American who happens to have black skin? If a person born in Jamaica immigrated to the United States, would we call him or her Black, Jamaican American, African American, or a Black from Jamaica? If you have a friend who is from China or whose parents or ancestors came from China, do you speak of them as your Chinese friend? Or just "my friend Jung"? It is not our purpose to promote a particular term. In building friendships, especially cross-cultural ones, we believe it is essential to use the term that the other person prefers. We also know that derogatory names are sometimes used of various races. These are never appropriate. When it comes to racial and cultural differences, racial differences have to do with physical distinctives—primarily skin color and facial characteristics. Cultural differences refer to patterned ways of life. For example, Chinese culture is distinct from Indian culture. Culture includes language, family structure, economic system, musical forms, and religion. Of course, within every major culture there are subcultures. For example, we speak of American culture, but we have many subcultures within America. These are ways of life that were brought to America by people from many different cultures. These subcultures operate within the larger framework of American culture. Sometimes we use the words race and culture interchangeably, but often people of the same race are of different cultures. According to the latest research, 75 percent of Whites do not have any friends of color, and this percentage is even higher in the evangelical church. If this is your experience, the racial violence and tension in recent years may be new to you. It is, of course, not new to people of color who continue to experience racial violence. But regardless of your racial and cultural experience, one vital message must be shared: building friendships across racial and cultural lines will change individual lives and our country for the better forever. Interracial contact is inevitable in America, because we are a multicultural country. How we relate to those of another race is a choice. Some choose to largely ignore those who do not look like them. Others choose to acknowledge each other only with a nod and perhaps a "hi." Some, particularly in school and vocational settings, choose to have conversations about work, sports, and the weather. But few have deep and abiding cross-cultural friendships. | | | Seeking a Biblical Solution fo the Racial Divide | I (Clarence) have many friends who don't look like me. I feel that I am rich with friends. Some of my close friends who don't resemble me initially said things that offended me. Some of these friends and I disagree politically. Yet I have found these cross-cultural friendships to be beneficial and life changing. They are valuable and continue to force me to look at situations from a different perspective. They help me process my emotions and reach healthy conclusions. My cross-cultural friends say our relationship does the same for them. I (Gary) fully agree with Clarence. We don't have to agree on everything to be friends. What is important is that we value each other as persons and desire to understand, encourage, and enrich each other. Clarence and I have had this kind of friendship over many years. We have each experienced the benefits of our friendship. That is why we are so motivated to help others build such relationships. We wrote Life-Changing Cross-Cultural Friendships together because in the providence of God, our paths crossed and neither of us has ever been the same. We have experienced a deep friendship for more than fifty years. In this book, we share our journey and how our lives have affected each other. We believe that if every Christian had at least one friend of a different culture or race, it would radically change race relations in our country. Many are asking, "What can I do? I am only one person." An ancient Chinese proverb says, "The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." We believe that building cross-cultural friendships is that first step. We encourage you to join us in promoting such friendships by putting into practice the biblical principles you'll discover in Life-Changing Cross-Cultural Friendships. It is our deep desire that others might experience friendships across racial and ethnic barriers like we have. We see this as the only hope for eliminating racism from our culture. Adapted from Life-Changing Cross-Cultural Friendships: How You Can Help Heal Racial Divides, One Relationship at a Time by Gary Chapman and Clarence Shuler. * | | | As believers, we're Family — red and yellow, black and white! Cross-cultural friendships change us, in part, because we understand God's great love for everyone He created and how we're meant to embrace one another. It's hard to hate or be divisive with someone God loves with all His heart! | | | Friendships can change the world! | Life-Changing Cross-Cultural Friendships: How You Can Help Heal Racial Divides, One Relationship at a Time | | | $18.99 $9.99 (47% off) + FREE shipping on all orders $35 and more | We can heal our communities--one friendship at a time. Everyone wants to do something to improve race relations, but many of us don't know where to start. In Life-Changing Cross-Cultural Friendships, lifelong friends Gary Chapman and Clarence Shuler will show you how. Through important lessons they have learned, you will learn how to begin and grow authentic friendships across racial and ethnic barriers. Each chapter will guide you toward deeper understanding of what it takes to foster cross-cultural friendships. These powerful lessons include: - How to overcome the fear of developing cross-cultural friendships
- How to differentiate true friends from mere acquaintances
- How Jesus initiated cross-cultural relationships
- The first two steps to your own cross-cultural friendship
- Three ways to resolve conflict in a cross-cultural friendship
- How to make friendships last a lifetime
Chapman and Shuler challenge every reader to join a movement, the Cross-Cultural Friendship Challenge, and begin changing the world one friendship at a time. | | | Gary Chapman & Clarence Shuler | | | | | I'll Be There (But I'll Be Wearing Sweatpants) | by Amy Weatherly & Jess Johnston | Is it just me? Am I the only one who's lonely? Am I the only one without friends? If you've ever asked yourself these questions, Amy Weatherly and Jess Johnston, founders of the widely popular "Sister, I Am with You," are raising their hands to say, "Yeah, us too." And they want to encourage, equip, and reassure you that you have what it takes to build the kind of friendships you want. | | | | | I'll Be There (But I'll Be Wearing Sweatpants) Book with Workbook | by Amy Weatherly & Jess Johnston | The perfect "sister" to the long-awaited book, I'll Be There (But I'll Be Wearing Sweatpants) from Sister, I Am With You founders, Amy Weatherly and Jess Johnston, this workbook is your personal account of getting to the place you most want to be—standing beside women who encourage you, lift you, see you, and remind you that you aren't alone in this crazy, messy, rollercoaster life. Addressing the incredible value of friendship, this workbook provides space and structure and focus for the practical steps on how to get there. Inside these pages, you will apply the thirteen most common obstacles to connection as well as actionable steps to solve each one. | | | That's how the enemy works. If He can win the battle for your mind, then he can win the battle for your life. ~ Louie Giglio You can find freedom from the war inside your mind—if you allow Jesus, the Good Shepherd, to lead the battle. It's time to reject the lies and listen to the truth. Sign up now and join us for the Online Bible Study with author & pastor Louie Giglio! | | | this devotion with someone who needs it today | | | |
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